Sunshine and rain

A million times (maybe) i have seen the sun trying to peak through on a winter's day. A million (maybe) times...over 30 years of looking up at the sky...lol (not funny) that's how long it took for me to finally get wat God is trying to say...or show me.

THE SUN DOES NOT GO AWAY. EVER! (Like Duane would say: it only repositions itself) No matter how dark and stormy the weather, no matter how cold the day, the sun is still there. The only reason you dont see or feel it is because the clouds are in ur way. But u know it's there.

Much like the joy of the Lord. The love, grace, peace of God. Just like God. No matter how dark, stormy, depressing your situation, God is there. The joy of Him is there. Revival, salvation, peace, comforting love, the light to show u the way out. It is there. You just have to realise it. Know it. Trust where you can not see.

Where is 'there'? 'There' is not some distant place beyond the clouds. Or beyond your storm. 'There' is INSIDE YOU. And to access it, all you need do is go on your knees...and stay there.

The song God placed in my heart with this revelation confirms it all... 'Your light, broke through my night, restored exeeding joy'...'this is how we overcome!'

The sun is there...always. Don't stare hopelessly at the clouds and curse the storm, don't lie down untill it passes. Know what's beyond it. Don't wait for the sun to show itself (for God to show His face) Know what's inside you. Trust where you cannot see and dance in the rain.

Sing with me, come on:
'Im trading my sorrows...laying it down for the JOY OF THE LORD...'
:)

Let's recap...

So, back to the milktart and knocking or walking away from a shut door. Allow me to say HALLELUJA with a LOL! All praise to God Almighty. It's amazing how He works is it not? He filled me with spiritual gifts and opened the door i thought i'd never walk through. The 'dissapointment' i got 3 days ago has been retracted. God kept on working even after my hope ran out. When i was ready to accept and be content with what HE wanted for me...He blessed me with what i desired. Just like He promised. He gave me the milktart i asked for, when i was ready and happy to settle for carrot cake.

Now just this: what measure of grattitude will ever be enough? And what level of worship will do justice to the glory of this ABSOLUTELY GRACIOUS KING.

TTTLG(2)

I am so scared. Is this what God-fearing means? I have felt the desperation before, and surely, many times have i asked God. But this is it, never had i been this desperate to experience Him. To have an encounter with Him through His Holy Spirit.

This is the church's week of pentecost. And tonight we have a special service to call on God to infuse in us His Holy spirit as it decended on our brothers, the disciples that blessed morning.

I am taking the day off everything to prepare myself. When i got up this morning to go to school, a voice from the back of my mind, a feeling that filled my whole body (the voice of God?) convinced me to stay. 'Stay, dont go out into the world, stay and spend the day with me'.

I am so scared. Im always standing there listening to my fellow worshipers as the spirit of God descends upon them, and sometimes speaks through them. And i say Lord, me. Do me please? Touch me, infuse me, i want U, all of U...so many times i just stood there pleading, asking am i not ready? Am i not good enough? What am i doing wrong?
Today i will spend doing nothing else but praying, praising and worshipping God in desperate hope that tonight may be my turn. Begging that God won't pass me by again.

Im i not good enough for You lord? I know i'll never be perfect, but am i not good enough? Am i not pure enough? Am i not strong enough? Lord whatever it takes i will do do it. I am so desperate for U Father, so desperate. Show me what, show me how. How to focus, how to let go completely and let ur spirit take full control.

I can feel its TTT LG(2). Time to tottally let go. Time to tottally let God.

I am so scared. So desperately scared that i will be passed by again. Is my worshipping cosmetic? Am i not real? Or is it just not my time.

If i dont have this encounter...will i be left behind? Isnt it some sort of sign, like a confirmation that im not good with God? I am so scared, so desperately scared. Am i not good enough to be touched in that way? Please pray for me?

Rain, milktart and a soothing cup of coffee.

A week ago Saturday the weather changed and i got rained on unexpectedly. It was such a fuss getting my hair back in ok shape for church the next morning. Halfway there it starts to drizzle lol, i begged God please, Father please no come on not again. I want to look good (i will always remember my gym instructer, Jason, drilling us hard. And while we're so hard at work sometimes he'll scream ''jy moet kwai lyk ook''), i am afterall representing U up there, let's not have crazy hair distract people from worship. And it stopped. The air dried up, but as soon as i reached destination a rain storm broke loose. I couldn't help but look up to the heavens and start laughing out loud. God has such a great sense of humor.
The proven lesson of the day was God answers even the silliest prayers if asked for honestly, openly and whole heartedly...and ofcourse within His will. I gues, lol, it's always in His will that His children looks good and presentable.

This silly prayer laid the foundation for a 2nd one only 2 days ago. Since i know now i can have a good laugh with God (with all due respect still ofcourse) i thought maybe i could pray for some milktart. Not any, my aunt Christolene's old school home made milktart. Later that evening i find myself at my cousin and sister's combined birthday party. No milktart. And i accepted that i'll have to settle for carrot cake. Towards the end of the evening and with my prayer forgotten im sniffing round the goodie table trying to squeeze in between the big ladies. And what do u know, into my hands they shove a tray with 2 pieces of MY AUNT CHRISTOLENE'S HOME MADE MILKTART! (i should've checked in the bedroom i guess) Another giggle, another halleluja, another thank you Jesus.

As i sit here now i realise while i was having fun with God He was teaching me valueble lessons.

1: give ur best to me, and i will shelter u from the storms, situations that tries to taint ur Christ-like image.

2: it's only over when I (The Lord) say so, not when your hope runs out. Just like the milktart your blessing is there, waiting, stop looking for it in the wrong places. Let ur faith lead u to it.

...I got yet another dissapointment today. Again, i think, but God knows best. Maybe its a sealed door. Not meant for me to walk through, maybe i should knock a little while longer. Only God knows.

But what i know is this, with the peace of the Lord inside me, (knowing that His will is best and His will will be done) this coffee sure taste GOOD.

Right? or Righteous?

The 1 question Dr Phil always asks is would u rather be right, or would rather have a fuitfull, happy relationship? He explains that u can't be both, unless ur having a relationship with urself.
God posed his me with a question this morning that's parallel to Dr Phil's: would u rather be righteous or right. Being right means 'this is how the world works and this is how you do it'. It means being in ur partner's, ur friend's, your parents's, your comunity's, your church's good books. Whatever it takes to be loved and accepted by them and by the world. Doing what is right and acceptable according norms and traditions of society.
Righteous? Well that just means being right with God. Being in His good books. Wait, God only has 1 good book. The book of life.
I think of myself as a Christian. I wonder...do i sometimes take my 'made in the image of Jesus' badge off to blend in with the image of the world?
Do i still walk past the guy lying drunk on the sidewalk cos everyone else does? Cos if i stop to check if he's ok people will stare and think im 'not quite normal'. Do i still have part in an indecent conversation with old friends so they wont think God 'borified' me? Do i stil say lmfao, or a more toned lol? I wonder...when i skip on the wwJd, do i do it because that's who i am or because im still trying to blend in with the world. With the people that surrounds me, the family i was born into by blood? Do i make right with them or do i make right with the family God blessed and connected me with
through His holy spirit?
Surely i cant have it both ways. Imagine God saying 'ok your heart has been good but ur body was weak. So let's punish u accordingly and send ur soul to heaven and ur body to burn' lol (or lmfao!) imagine that!!
When u realise what its about. That everything you do today impacts and decides ur ever after it is so easy to choose. Surely its insanity, swopping/risking forever in heaven for a few thousand rands, an orgasm, a few shots of tequila, giving your x's girlfriend/boyfriend a beatdown just because u dont like their face next to his/hers. Will u realy risk burning forever in hell for a few great night (that in any case comes with a crappy morning after)?
It's easier to decide when you know God's amazing love, forgiveness and comfort, i guess.
It's easier to choose to be righteous. To choose God. To choose heaven. It's the least u can do for youself. It's the least respect u can have for ur creator, the giver and keeper of your life. Lol, forgive me my friend, but i'd rather be in God's good books than yours. I'd rather be in the book of life. I'd rather spend forever in heaven. Please come there with me??!

Mood of the day

If i could choose how to spend this day, i wonder where it will take me. Do i choose to mood or to years old desires?
If i could choose how to spend this day, i wonder where it will take me. I bet it will take me to you.
You are my years old desire. I am always in the mood for you.