I am so scared. Is this what God-fearing means? I have felt the desperation before, and surely, many times have i asked God. But this is it, never had i been this desperate to experience Him. To have an encounter with Him through His Holy Spirit.
This is the church's week of pentecost. And tonight we have a special service to call on God to infuse in us His Holy spirit as it decended on our brothers, the disciples that blessed morning.
I am taking the day off everything to prepare myself. When i got up this morning to go to school, a voice from the back of my mind, a feeling that filled my whole body (the voice of God?) convinced me to stay. 'Stay, dont go out into the world, stay and spend the day with me'.
I am so scared. Im always standing there listening to my fellow worshipers as the spirit of God descends upon them, and sometimes speaks through them. And i say Lord, me. Do me please? Touch me, infuse me, i want U, all of U...so many times i just stood there pleading, asking am i not ready? Am i not good enough? What am i doing wrong?
Today i will spend doing nothing else but praying, praising and worshipping God in desperate hope that tonight may be my turn. Begging that God won't pass me by again.
Im i not good enough for You lord? I know i'll never be perfect, but am i not good enough? Am i not pure enough? Am i not strong enough? Lord whatever it takes i will do do it. I am so desperate for U Father, so desperate. Show me what, show me how. How to focus, how to let go completely and let ur spirit take full control.
I can feel its TTT LG(2). Time to tottally let go. Time to tottally let God.
I am so scared. So desperately scared that i will be passed by again. Is my worshipping cosmetic? Am i not real? Or is it just not my time.
If i dont have this encounter...will i be left behind? Isnt it some sort of sign, like a confirmation that im not good with God? I am so scared, so desperately scared. Am i not good enough to be touched in that way? Please pray for me?
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