I'm always so fascinated by the wonder of the sky. It's like to me the key to life is locked up in it's splendor. Looking at it right now I see misty clouds trying to hide the brightly twinkly starts. Some a light whitish mist, some a darker shadowy sort. Light and dark.
U know, sometimes when I look up and sit quietly I try to see the constant war. U do know that there is a war going on right. Every second of everyday. The war between light and dark. Good and bad. Angels and demons. We don't see it, but it is happening. Sometimes when I look up I can see it in my spirit. Millions of angels, God's beings of light, angels! Fighting demons from the dark underworld. FOR MY SOUL. For my soul. FOR MY SOUL. Fighting so that I may know my God. Fighting so that I may live. Fighting so that I may prosper. Fighting so that I may walk in the light. Fighting so that I may be loved. Fighting so that I may have peace. Fighting so that I won't have to.
Do u realize how important u have to be that GOD- the ALMIGHTY GOD that made heaven and earth and everything in it- will send out and army of angels to fight on ur behalf? To constantly fight demons so they won't reach u and tear u apart? Do you get how much this GOD must love u?
You, me, every single body and soul on this earth, it is u that they are fighting for. You. Sinner. The angels are at war with the demons so they won't distract u from finding GOD. They are fighting a battle for u to live peacefully and joyfully. Have u even entertained the thought of what these demons would do to u if GOD wasn't so mercy full to send out this army of light beings to fiend for u?
Please open up ur eyes? Please see how much u are loved.
An army ou bra! An army of angels. Fighting. For YOUR life. For mine. Please see?
Friday, January 13, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
Today differently
9 January 2003 I had a phone conversation with my dad. He was in hospital and I wanted to know how he was doing. He told me he was fine n doing well.'I'm coming home toe see you Saturday morning' I said (this was thursday)... I never heard his voice again. When I saw him again he was laying in his coffin.
9 January 2010 I was sitting in a room with a feast of pills infront of me. Alone. I gave out one last cry before lifting my hand to end my life. The lady of the house came calling my name, banging on the door for me to open up quick. She wasn't supposed to come back, she wasn't supposed to be in town.
When she called my name I could swear I heard God. No one still has any idea of what I went through that day, of what I was about to do. After I opened the door for her I walked back to my room thinking 'ok Lord, I know U want me alive, but what for? What for?'And I kept the rainbow cloured pills in a little box...just incase.
9 January 2012 I don't know what God has planned for me, but I know that it is good. That's what He taught me. That's what He promised me. I am more confused than ever, but I trust on the perfect plan of this God that gave me new live.
9 January 2012 I am going through the pain and confusion of loosing someone and something very important to my being.
9 January 2012 I still do not understand Father, but I trust U.
9 January 2010 I was sitting in a room with a feast of pills infront of me. Alone. I gave out one last cry before lifting my hand to end my life. The lady of the house came calling my name, banging on the door for me to open up quick. She wasn't supposed to come back, she wasn't supposed to be in town.
When she called my name I could swear I heard God. No one still has any idea of what I went through that day, of what I was about to do. After I opened the door for her I walked back to my room thinking 'ok Lord, I know U want me alive, but what for? What for?'And I kept the rainbow cloured pills in a little box...just incase.
9 January 2012 I don't know what God has planned for me, but I know that it is good. That's what He taught me. That's what He promised me. I am more confused than ever, but I trust on the perfect plan of this God that gave me new live.
9 January 2012 I am going through the pain and confusion of loosing someone and something very important to my being.
9 January 2012 I still do not understand Father, but I trust U.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Silence
Most times we pray one thing yet live another. How easy is it realy, to pray for peace and live like you have it? To pray for joy and live like you feel it. To call on God and act like He's there.
In my morning prayers I always invite God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit into my day. I invite Him into my mind, my heart, onto my tongue and in my actions. And I thank Him, in faith, for being there.
Then it comes to this part of the day. Those moments where your chest closes up and you feel like you're about to crack under the pressure of frustration. You want to scream things at people so much that it shuts you up. So you remember that you prayed, and the voice inside you says 'you gave it to God, what do you have left of it to worry about?' And you listen, you listen. You close your eyes and you listen. But when you open them back up it's still there...staring at you... mocking you. Reality. And you want to scream at it, curse it, with all your might fight it make it understand that it is wrong. At the same time while you want to freak out and have a panic fit, you want to be okay and at peace. How do you? HOW DO YOU. Is this the quiet storm I keep hearing about.
Strength...vulnerability...I don't quite feel the difference. So I tell myself 'stronger is He that is in me, than him that is in the world. Today its a little more 'convincing' than 'telling'.
...So you pray again. I mean what? Why am I acting like God didn't hear me the first time. Why am I acting like He does not care? Why am I so darn weak to this desperation to be heard, understood and respected? Why do I pray one thing, but don't get up for long enough to live it. Why can't I breath.
I know I invited You into this day Father. I know You hear and understand the burning in my chest. Please save me from myself? Touch me.
In my morning prayers I always invite God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit into my day. I invite Him into my mind, my heart, onto my tongue and in my actions. And I thank Him, in faith, for being there.
Then it comes to this part of the day. Those moments where your chest closes up and you feel like you're about to crack under the pressure of frustration. You want to scream things at people so much that it shuts you up. So you remember that you prayed, and the voice inside you says 'you gave it to God, what do you have left of it to worry about?' And you listen, you listen. You close your eyes and you listen. But when you open them back up it's still there...staring at you... mocking you. Reality. And you want to scream at it, curse it, with all your might fight it make it understand that it is wrong. At the same time while you want to freak out and have a panic fit, you want to be okay and at peace. How do you? HOW DO YOU. Is this the quiet storm I keep hearing about.
Strength...vulnerability...I don't quite feel the difference. So I tell myself 'stronger is He that is in me, than him that is in the world. Today its a little more 'convincing' than 'telling'.
...So you pray again. I mean what? Why am I acting like God didn't hear me the first time. Why am I acting like He does not care? Why am I so darn weak to this desperation to be heard, understood and respected? Why do I pray one thing, but don't get up for long enough to live it. Why can't I breath.
I know I invited You into this day Father. I know You hear and understand the burning in my chest. Please save me from myself? Touch me.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Friends in high places
Ive been told that as a child of God i have special priviledges :) free access to heavenly treasures. I suppose as a princess of the heavens, daughter of the King of all kings, it makes no sense to live as a spiritual pauper.
One of these perks are friends who are on call 24/7. And im not just talking Jesus, im talking brothers and sisters in Christ. Friends who live a God-fearing and -worshiping life. Friends who has a personal relationship with God. Who knows, understands, reconises and carries the fruits of the spirit. I likes to call these 'friends in high places'.
They are truly blessed by God to be a blessing to others. And because of what they know and have learnt they will never let you fall. They pray for you through storms or smooth sailing. They will be right beside u all through the battle and carry u to God when u need a power refill. They will stay on the ground to have a better angle for lifting u higher. They will keep u humble when u dare to develope pride. They will pour their love out over u so that u may share yours freely with others...yet never run out.
When God brings these friends into ur day they become spiritual leaders and guides.
I believe that as fellow worshipers we are a unit in Christ..u know, ''we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the one bread''...
And with the same Christ inside all of us, we feed on eachother's fruit.
Back to the vip access...
:) a phone call in the middle of the night...to 'a friend in a high place' is a truely a comforting gift, fit for a princess. Thank you my friend, for letting me eat of your nourishing, Godly fruit.
You told me once:
'' I love you, and you know i know what love is right?!''
lol:) yes u do...and it's the sweetest fruit of your spirit...the sweetest iv'e ever tasted.
One of these perks are friends who are on call 24/7. And im not just talking Jesus, im talking brothers and sisters in Christ. Friends who live a God-fearing and -worshiping life. Friends who has a personal relationship with God. Who knows, understands, reconises and carries the fruits of the spirit. I likes to call these 'friends in high places'.
They are truly blessed by God to be a blessing to others. And because of what they know and have learnt they will never let you fall. They pray for you through storms or smooth sailing. They will be right beside u all through the battle and carry u to God when u need a power refill. They will stay on the ground to have a better angle for lifting u higher. They will keep u humble when u dare to develope pride. They will pour their love out over u so that u may share yours freely with others...yet never run out.
When God brings these friends into ur day they become spiritual leaders and guides.
I believe that as fellow worshipers we are a unit in Christ..u know, ''we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the one bread''...
And with the same Christ inside all of us, we feed on eachother's fruit.
Back to the vip access...
:) a phone call in the middle of the night...to 'a friend in a high place' is a truely a comforting gift, fit for a princess. Thank you my friend, for letting me eat of your nourishing, Godly fruit.
You told me once:
'' I love you, and you know i know what love is right?!''
lol:) yes u do...and it's the sweetest fruit of your spirit...the sweetest iv'e ever tasted.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Sunshine and rain
A million times (maybe) i have seen the sun trying to peak through on a winter's day. A million (maybe) times...over 30 years of looking up at the sky...lol (not funny) that's how long it took for me to finally get wat God is trying to say...or show me.
THE SUN DOES NOT GO AWAY. EVER! (Like Duane would say: it only repositions itself) No matter how dark and stormy the weather, no matter how cold the day, the sun is still there. The only reason you dont see or feel it is because the clouds are in ur way. But u know it's there.
Much like the joy of the Lord. The love, grace, peace of God. Just like God. No matter how dark, stormy, depressing your situation, God is there. The joy of Him is there. Revival, salvation, peace, comforting love, the light to show u the way out. It is there. You just have to realise it. Know it. Trust where you can not see.
Where is 'there'? 'There' is not some distant place beyond the clouds. Or beyond your storm. 'There' is INSIDE YOU. And to access it, all you need do is go on your knees...and stay there.
The song God placed in my heart with this revelation confirms it all... 'Your light, broke through my night, restored exeeding joy'...'this is how we overcome!'
The sun is there...always. Don't stare hopelessly at the clouds and curse the storm, don't lie down untill it passes. Know what's beyond it. Don't wait for the sun to show itself (for God to show His face) Know what's inside you. Trust where you cannot see and dance in the rain.
Sing with me, come on:
'Im trading my sorrows...laying it down for the JOY OF THE LORD...'
:)
THE SUN DOES NOT GO AWAY. EVER! (Like Duane would say: it only repositions itself) No matter how dark and stormy the weather, no matter how cold the day, the sun is still there. The only reason you dont see or feel it is because the clouds are in ur way. But u know it's there.
Much like the joy of the Lord. The love, grace, peace of God. Just like God. No matter how dark, stormy, depressing your situation, God is there. The joy of Him is there. Revival, salvation, peace, comforting love, the light to show u the way out. It is there. You just have to realise it. Know it. Trust where you can not see.
Where is 'there'? 'There' is not some distant place beyond the clouds. Or beyond your storm. 'There' is INSIDE YOU. And to access it, all you need do is go on your knees...and stay there.
The song God placed in my heart with this revelation confirms it all... 'Your light, broke through my night, restored exeeding joy'...'this is how we overcome!'
The sun is there...always. Don't stare hopelessly at the clouds and curse the storm, don't lie down untill it passes. Know what's beyond it. Don't wait for the sun to show itself (for God to show His face) Know what's inside you. Trust where you cannot see and dance in the rain.
Sing with me, come on:
'Im trading my sorrows...laying it down for the JOY OF THE LORD...'
:)
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Let's recap...
So, back to the milktart and knocking or walking away from a shut door. Allow me to say HALLELUJA with a LOL! All praise to God Almighty. It's amazing how He works is it not? He filled me with spiritual gifts and opened the door i thought i'd never walk through. The 'dissapointment' i got 3 days ago has been retracted. God kept on working even after my hope ran out. When i was ready to accept and be content with what HE wanted for me...He blessed me with what i desired. Just like He promised. He gave me the milktart i asked for, when i was ready and happy to settle for carrot cake.
Now just this: what measure of grattitude will ever be enough? And what level of worship will do justice to the glory of this ABSOLUTELY GRACIOUS KING.
Now just this: what measure of grattitude will ever be enough? And what level of worship will do justice to the glory of this ABSOLUTELY GRACIOUS KING.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
TTTLG(2)
I am so scared. Is this what God-fearing means? I have felt the desperation before, and surely, many times have i asked God. But this is it, never had i been this desperate to experience Him. To have an encounter with Him through His Holy Spirit.
This is the church's week of pentecost. And tonight we have a special service to call on God to infuse in us His Holy spirit as it decended on our brothers, the disciples that blessed morning.
I am taking the day off everything to prepare myself. When i got up this morning to go to school, a voice from the back of my mind, a feeling that filled my whole body (the voice of God?) convinced me to stay. 'Stay, dont go out into the world, stay and spend the day with me'.
I am so scared. Im always standing there listening to my fellow worshipers as the spirit of God descends upon them, and sometimes speaks through them. And i say Lord, me. Do me please? Touch me, infuse me, i want U, all of U...so many times i just stood there pleading, asking am i not ready? Am i not good enough? What am i doing wrong?
Today i will spend doing nothing else but praying, praising and worshipping God in desperate hope that tonight may be my turn. Begging that God won't pass me by again.
Im i not good enough for You lord? I know i'll never be perfect, but am i not good enough? Am i not pure enough? Am i not strong enough? Lord whatever it takes i will do do it. I am so desperate for U Father, so desperate. Show me what, show me how. How to focus, how to let go completely and let ur spirit take full control.
I can feel its TTT LG(2). Time to tottally let go. Time to tottally let God.
I am so scared. So desperately scared that i will be passed by again. Is my worshipping cosmetic? Am i not real? Or is it just not my time.
If i dont have this encounter...will i be left behind? Isnt it some sort of sign, like a confirmation that im not good with God? I am so scared, so desperately scared. Am i not good enough to be touched in that way? Please pray for me?
This is the church's week of pentecost. And tonight we have a special service to call on God to infuse in us His Holy spirit as it decended on our brothers, the disciples that blessed morning.
I am taking the day off everything to prepare myself. When i got up this morning to go to school, a voice from the back of my mind, a feeling that filled my whole body (the voice of God?) convinced me to stay. 'Stay, dont go out into the world, stay and spend the day with me'.
I am so scared. Im always standing there listening to my fellow worshipers as the spirit of God descends upon them, and sometimes speaks through them. And i say Lord, me. Do me please? Touch me, infuse me, i want U, all of U...so many times i just stood there pleading, asking am i not ready? Am i not good enough? What am i doing wrong?
Today i will spend doing nothing else but praying, praising and worshipping God in desperate hope that tonight may be my turn. Begging that God won't pass me by again.
Im i not good enough for You lord? I know i'll never be perfect, but am i not good enough? Am i not pure enough? Am i not strong enough? Lord whatever it takes i will do do it. I am so desperate for U Father, so desperate. Show me what, show me how. How to focus, how to let go completely and let ur spirit take full control.
I can feel its TTT LG(2). Time to tottally let go. Time to tottally let God.
I am so scared. So desperately scared that i will be passed by again. Is my worshipping cosmetic? Am i not real? Or is it just not my time.
If i dont have this encounter...will i be left behind? Isnt it some sort of sign, like a confirmation that im not good with God? I am so scared, so desperately scared. Am i not good enough to be touched in that way? Please pray for me?
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