Silence

Most times we pray one thing yet live another. How easy is it realy, to pray for peace and live like you have it? To pray for joy and live like you feel it. To call on God and act like He's there.
In my morning prayers I always invite God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit into my day. I invite Him into my mind, my heart, onto my tongue and in my actions. And I thank Him, in faith, for being there.

Then it comes to this part of the day. Those moments where your chest closes up and you feel like you're about to crack under the pressure of frustration. You want to scream things at people so much that it shuts you up. So you remember that you prayed, and the voice inside you says 'you gave it to God, what do you have left of it to worry about?' And you listen, you listen. You close your eyes and you listen. But when you open them back up it's still there...staring at you... mocking you. Reality. And you want to scream at it, curse it, with all your might fight it make it understand that it is wrong. At the same time while you want to freak out and have a panic fit, you want to be okay and at peace. How do you? HOW DO YOU. Is this the quiet storm I keep hearing about.

Strength...vulnerability...I don't quite feel the difference. So I tell myself 'stronger is He that is in me, than him that is in the world. Today its a little more 'convincing' than 'telling'.
...So you pray again. I mean what? Why am I acting like God didn't hear me the first time. Why am I acting like He does not care? Why am I so darn weak to this desperation to be heard, understood and respected? Why do I pray one thing, but don't get up for long enough to live it. Why can't I breath.

I know I invited You into this day Father. I know You hear and understand the burning in my chest. Please save me from myself? Touch me.